“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”
– Psalm 23:4 (KJV)
When you lose a loved one, you do not need to go through this alone. The LORD is with you.
St. John is, too.
This was written to help you navigate this valley. You will have to deal with overwhelming grief, you will be faced with decisions and deadlines, and you will need to process all of this with your family, friends, and others. We want you to be prepared, so here’s what you can do right now as well as later on:
Tend to Your Spirit (do this immediately!)
Give yourself permission to grieve: If you bury your emotions, you bury them alive. Buried grief pops up in unexpected and unwanted ways. Allow yourself to feel a full spectrum of emotions without judgment.
Give others permission to grieve: We are not all the same. We grieve differently. Some choose to cry, some refuse to cry. Some need time away from work, some would rather be distracted by work. Do not stress yourself out over this. At the same time…
Avoid destructive habits: Acts such as substance abuse, physical abuse, and compulsive spending are unhealthy, unsafe, and ultimately unhelpful for processing grief. Care for your body and soul in positive, constructive ways instead of masking the pain with bad habits. And encourage your family members to do the same.
Stay within reach: Do not isolate yourself. Allow your St. John church family to serve you in your time of need. Lean on your friends. Use this time to get close to your family.
Seek dedicated grief support: Consider joining a Christian grief sharing group or meeting with a professional counselor to process the trauma of loss.
Phase 1: Immediate Steps (First 24–48 Hours)
- Obtain an official declaration of death: Staff will handle this if the passing occurs in a hospital or hospice facility. Call 911 if it happens at home without hospice care.
- Contact family and close friends: make sure you reach out to a core circle of support. In addition to being a source of comfort, they can help share the news and assist with immediate needs.
- Notify your church pastoral staff: If you or your loved one are a member of St. John, please contact us immediately. We want to pray with you and immediately begin supporting your family through this journey. If your loved one was a member of another church then it would be best to contact that church as soon as you can.
- Coordinate with a mortuary or funeral home: Select a funeral home to arrange for the respectful transfer of your loved one’s body. You may want to begin with ________.
- Care for dependents and pets: Ensure immediate, short-term care is established for any dependents or pets left behind.
- Take care of yourself: You are already dealing with a lot; don’t let your health be another issue. Make sure you eat, drink plenty of water, exercise and rest as much as you can.
Phase 2: Planning the Service (Days 1–7)
- Meet with the funeral director: Discuss burial or cremation preferences and understand the logistics they will manage.
- Collaborate on the memorial service: Our Solace Committee is ready and willing to work with you on the date of the service as well as provide a suggested program.
- Request certified death certificates: Ask the funeral home to order multiple official copies (usually 5 to 10). You will need these for legal and financial institutions.
- Write and submit the obituary: Gather biographical details and photos of your loved one to share in the program, in newspapers, online, etc.
Phase 3: Administrative & Legal Tasks (Weeks 1–3)
- Contact life insurance companies: File claims by submitting a certified death certificate and the policy numbers.
- Notify government agencies: Inform the Social Security Administration (SSA) to stop monthly payments and check for survivor benefits.
- Alert financial institutions: Contact banks, credit card companies, and investment firms to freeze, transfer, or close accounts.
- Forward mail and manage digital accounts: File a forwarding order with the post office and begin shutting down or memorializing social media profiles.
- Consult an estate attorney: If your loved one had a will or trust, seek legal guidance to navigate the probate process smoothly.
Phase 4: Rebuilding and Honoring (Moving Forward)
- Give yourself permission to live again: Re-entering life is not a betrayal of your loved one’s memory. It is a way to honor the legacy of love they left behind. You are not “moving on”, you are moving forward.
- Establish a gentle routine: Continue to establish basic daily habits like physical exercise, healthy meals, and a consistent sleep schedule.
- Return to work and hobbies gradually: Communicate your needs to supervisors or peers as you step back into daily responsibilities. Take breaks when the weight feels heavy.
- Reconnect with your community: Intentionally spend time with family, close friends, and your church small group. Let their presence remind you that you are still anchored.
- Acknowledge that milestones will be hard: Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays often bring fresh waves of grief. Accept that these days will feel different now.
- Plan ahead for difficult calendar days: Decide in advance who you want to be with and what you want to do on significant dates. Having a plan reduces the anxiety of the unknown.
- Create new traditions to remember them: Light a specific candle, share a favorite story before a holiday meal, or make a donation to a meaningful cause in their name.
- Give yourself grace to step back: If a festive gathering or milestone event becomes too overwhelming, it is entirely okay to slip away and rest.
This will be a tough journey, but you will make it through. Let us know how we can pray for you and walk with you. May God continue to bless you and the memory of your loved one.